Sinking sand

So I thought I was all that. I thought I was the strongest tree in the forest, the tallest and strongest tower in the city. That is until my faith was shaken.

I get to a situation that was either a blessing or a curse. I get a job. And that's supposed to be a blessing, right? Oh well, maybe not. The environment is just a little too weathered out. There's a laissez-faire attitude when it comes to morality and religion. You'd almost think there's no guidelines to living. Only but a few, very few people live with principles and follow them to the tee.

And they all seem happy living like that. They seem rather content that they're throwing their lives away, and if they go on this way, they'll crash and burn. But my major concern isn't how they live, but what it's doing to me. I thought I was intact, until recently, I realized how they're washing me away. Slowly and surely. Things I considered a no-no are becoming a possible maybe. Behavior I'd get shocked at and run away from are becoming an oh-well situation.

I had to wake up to the reality that I'm smack right in the middle of quicksand, and I'm sinking in, quickly (or is it slowly?). I need help, and I need it fast, before I become no different to what's around me. And I realize I need God, so much more. I need him more than I need the oxygen that I breathe, more than the clothes I wear. Only He can save me. Only He can give me the power to stand and walk on. He is the solid rock.

Maybe, then, God had planned this. Maybe what He's trying to tell me is to trust me, and not focus too much on myself. Because He, and only He is all I am and have, He's all I need, and more.

When I grow up

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To run free, without any worry whatsoever. To keep any worries aside, and enjoy the days as they come. To love myself for me, and not for others. To be happy to be alive, and enjoy the day just as it is.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To be simple. To be optimistic. To smell the roses. To be wowed by simple things, like the sunrise, animal noises, the light bulb, and the fact that I breathe nonstop day and night.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To celebrate all my friends. To be free to cry without wondering what will happen. To trust, to have faith, to have hope, to smile for ever. To be excited to see my loved ones every single day, without ever getting tired.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To be eager and willing to learn, to be excited every time I make an achievement and not wonder whether it's worth all that. To be happy every time I bump into a discovery.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I don't really want to grow up.