Sinking sand

So I thought I was all that. I thought I was the strongest tree in the forest, the tallest and strongest tower in the city. That is until my faith was shaken.

I get to a situation that was either a blessing or a curse. I get a job. And that's supposed to be a blessing, right? Oh well, maybe not. The environment is just a little too weathered out. There's a laissez-faire attitude when it comes to morality and religion. You'd almost think there's no guidelines to living. Only but a few, very few people live with principles and follow them to the tee.

And they all seem happy living like that. They seem rather content that they're throwing their lives away, and if they go on this way, they'll crash and burn. But my major concern isn't how they live, but what it's doing to me. I thought I was intact, until recently, I realized how they're washing me away. Slowly and surely. Things I considered a no-no are becoming a possible maybe. Behavior I'd get shocked at and run away from are becoming an oh-well situation.

I had to wake up to the reality that I'm smack right in the middle of quicksand, and I'm sinking in, quickly (or is it slowly?). I need help, and I need it fast, before I become no different to what's around me. And I realize I need God, so much more. I need him more than I need the oxygen that I breathe, more than the clothes I wear. Only He can save me. Only He can give me the power to stand and walk on. He is the solid rock.

Maybe, then, God had planned this. Maybe what He's trying to tell me is to trust me, and not focus too much on myself. Because He, and only He is all I am and have, He's all I need, and more.

When I grow up

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To run free, without any worry whatsoever. To keep any worries aside, and enjoy the days as they come. To love myself for me, and not for others. To be happy to be alive, and enjoy the day just as it is.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To be simple. To be optimistic. To smell the roses. To be wowed by simple things, like the sunrise, animal noises, the light bulb, and the fact that I breathe nonstop day and night.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To celebrate all my friends. To be free to cry without wondering what will happen. To trust, to have faith, to have hope, to smile for ever. To be excited to see my loved ones every single day, without ever getting tired.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. To be eager and willing to learn, to be excited every time I make an achievement and not wonder whether it's worth all that. To be happy every time I bump into a discovery.

When I grow up, I want to be young again. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I don't really want to grow up.

For richer, for poorer...

They say money makes the world goes round (although at times I wish it was love that did). Money indeed does talk, and when it talks, many people listen, and translate it the way they want to.

The greatest debate I've heard so far, is whether to be rich or be poor. That is one debate which, in my opinion, will never be completely solved.

There are the pro-poor. Mostly social workers, nobilists, some humanitarian activists. They sort of believe that money is the source of many evils. And (almost) truly so, coz money has made many people bonkers. Some have killed, committed strange crimes, broken marriages, all sorts of incredible things just to get it. And there are others, though they have gotten money, have made them seriously miserable. The relatives don't stop knocking, the children don't stop squabbling, the shopping lists got bigger and more complex... Money never made them better, just more complex. Such activists, say there are those, like Mother Teresa, who had not even an asset to her name when she left, but left a leading legacy. Even Jesus Himself, had not even a penny to His name. The tomb He was buried in was borrowed. But just look at what greatness he left behind!!

On the opposite end of the coin, there's the pro-rich. The economists, the investors, the gamblers, and the flamboyant. They believe they are what they are because of the money they have. Money can be used for many things. Money can make you better. Money can give you what you need. And they are not wrong, either. Money puts food on the table, you don't have to beg and look pitiful. Money allows you to travel, and enjoy the world. Money can give your children a good education. Money allows you good medical care. Money even enables you to help the less fortunate!!

Oh well, I wish I had a good, perfect conclusion to this discussion. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a limbo. Both have good sides, and both have their own illusions. At the end of the day, I think everyone has a right to live a life they find comfortable, as long as they don't over indulge...

When the door is slammed on your face

There's a common phrase in the Bible "Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open..." That phrase is as common as oxygen.

But truth is, there are times when you ask and you're not given, you seek and you can't find, and you knock and the door is not even open. When everything seems to be at a standstill. Or there are times when things seemed to be fine, until something happens and everything suddenly goes bezerk.

And there are also times when things seem to be bright, but somehow they just dim. Out of nowhere, the door seems to have been slammed on your face. When you've been promised the promotion, and suddenly it goes to someone else. Or when the job application seems so on point, but somehow you never get called. Life always has all these door-banging incidents.

The one thing I learned about all these incidences - Everything works for a reason. Every bright light that has suddenly been dimmed has some reason behind it. Every cloud has a silver lining. All you have to do is give them all to God in prayer. In due time, you'll realize God never wastes a tear, He never lets a bad incident go down. You'll realize that maybe, it was His plan, so he can plummet you to something bigger, better. Or maybe He sees you're not fit. Or whatever the reason. It will unfold, in due time.

When the door's shut, just ask God. He'll help you with the situation

Mind your own business!!

Seriously. There are too many people trying to mind other people's business and correcting them. People who always wonder what's wrong with this one or that one.

God created us to be us, and to live our lives. Not to be everyone else's teacher and clean up after their mistakes. Not to worry yourself sick or get totally upset coz they haven't done what they ought. True, there are times when someone's actions totally mess up what we have, but that shouldn't be a direct reason to sit up watching to see who's doing what all the time.

We have our lives to live. That's the only boundary we can take care of. God gave us our lives to live and take care of. And we will be accountable for what we do, not what others did or said. So what if the 'oh-so-saved' neighbour was caught in a dark corner in a seriously compromising situation? That's not your business to worry or judge. You take care of your life and living straight. So what if the seriously quiet girl has made smashing headlines? Once again, not your problem to deal with, it's hers. You deal with what you have - you. Deal with you, and stop poking your nose into other people's business.

You have one of the biggest business to deal with - yours. Deal with it. You can't save the whole world, but can save only one person - you.

Open heart surgery

Introspection. A word rarely used, an action rarely done. Not many people do it much. It's hard and painful, it creates great discomfort.

Introspection many times deals with opening the heart and looking at its contents. Reflecting on the past, what it's been, and the actions done to bring us to where we've been and where we are. It's some form of open heart surgery.

Many times I have one of those. Mostly during one of them days when I've totally hit rock bottom, or when life just spits nasty crap at me. I realize it's time to go under the knife, and see what went wrong, and how I can fix it. It's a painful process, but at the end of it all, I'm glad I did it, and time to remove the bad things, fix the spoilt, and mend the mendables comes. The recovery process is slow, yet very rejuvenating, and I'm glad I did it anyway.

Introspection. Open heart surgery. One of the best things a human can do to themselves

Who I am hates who I've been

I've been a Christian for the most part of my life. Ever since I was a young enuff, I've always considered myself an averagely good christian.

Or so I thought. Until lately. I discovered that maybe I may not be as good a christian as I earlier placed myself to be. My ride on my high horse came to an abrupt halt. I thought I had it all under control, until I looked at myself sometime ago. Things weren't all that.

I discovered many things that truly surprised me. While I had this inane belief I was the calmest, I harshly and strangely discovered that one small thing can have the ability to make me spit fire and brimstone. I thought I was kind and generous, only to discover that there are times I'm embarrassingly stingy (especially when it comes to food and expensive stuff). I had the idea that I was oh so patient, until I find myself in a situation where I'm the hundredth (or so) person in a long, winding, snaking line moving more than slowly.

Well then, maybe I'm not the best of saints in the house. I got my own quirks and perks here and there. I'm not the Christian powerhouse I thought I was. If Christians are to be Christ's ambassadors, I must admit I've been a lousy one. If I were to make a log, I don't think I'd like what I see.

Maybe then, I realize I need something really bigger than me. I need to get back on track, and fast. I guess from now on, I'll say goodbye to the old me, and look for divine intervention. God's Grace and the Holy Spirit will be my new guides now. I start afresh and anew, hoping this time, I'll do much better...

I met my Prince Charming

I met Prince Charming, and well, he wasn't as breathtaking as I thought.

He didn't have the huge muscles, or the dashing look. He didn't have the sleek car, the designer clothes, the tons of cash. He wasn't all that plus a bag of chips, infact, he could pass for any other guy in the streets.

The one thing I know about him - he has a heart of gold. He's humble, infact, seriously soft-spoken. He thinks about me more than I even think about him. He's always ready for me with a warm smile. He's there, even when I don't think he is. He enjoys my company. He encourages me to do what I think is unachievable. He wants what's best for me.

I used to think Prince Charming always had the face of the sunshine. I used to believe the prince had a sweet talk with romantic flare that would make me go 'Ooooh!!'. But I slowly learned that the best is hid within. Not what's outside, but the heart is what makes him treasure, or trash.

Oooh, my dear Prince Charming!!

A Key to every hole

Rumor has it there's a key to every hole. No hole has two keys to open it, and no key can fit in more than one hole, not unless it's a master key or sumthing.

Many times life is also like that. There are situations where only one person/thing can handle. Like if you're in deep spiritual trouble, a pastor is well able to handle. Or if your sink is blocked, a plumber will end up doing a far much better job than your husband/boyfriend (assuming the two are totally different).

Relationships also tend to be the same way. Many times we keep stumbling over person after person, until we find the right one. There are those of us who date the 'wrong' person - either too short, too tall, too weird; just something about them that doesn't click with us. They may not necessarily be bad or outcasts, just not the right key yet. Something just goes missing.

Then, finally, the right one comes. Not necessarily in the apparel we want them in, but something clicks. Maybe the first day we saw them, may be a couple of months, or even years, but something just happens. The key fits in just right. Something feels complete, finally.

Others are lucky enough to find them the first time round, the rest of us find them later on, and there are others who, well, don't really get there. Either way, the one way to get the 'key' is patience. Don't just keep trying to make every key work, it may be exhausting, and by the time the right one comes along, you don't want to even look twice. Take your time, enjoy who you are, don't fumble over ill-fitting keys.

And when you find your key, guard it with all your heart, don't you ever lose it, coz you can never find a replacement for it.

To Marry, or not to marry, that is the question

There was once upon a time when marriage was the in-thing. Not only the in-thing, but the must-do-thing. Everyone HAD to get married. Those who weren't married were either thought of as jinxed, or just plain weird. Men so much so to look responsible, women as a way of performing their 'womanly' duties (or sumthing like that).

Well, of late, the pressure has really gone down (to the relief of very many, me included). At least now parents cannot come out of the blue to start on "biological clock ticking" stories, or "how would you look in society" or strange stories like those.

Which leads to the all-important question - Should I marry? Really. Must I marry? So what if I don't? Is there any specific consequence to singlehood? What now, isn't my freedom too precious? I don't have to worry about two, must I? I can pay rent whenever, however; I can visit and be visited without anyone being too particularly concerned; singlehood is really freeing and breath-taking. The options in singlehood are way more than those in marriage.

Now that marriage is becoming less and less compulsory, it's really becoming easier to sink into singlehood. Inasmuch as I believe marriage will not necessarily get extinct, it has a tough battle to fight with singlehood.

(Un)Happily ever after

Not everyone who says "I do" lives happily ever after.

I discovered that the strangest of ways. Being quite advanced in years (I can't really call myself old, neither can I call myself young), I've been invited to a serious number of weddings. Most, if not all, being of close friends and relatives. And I've also been invited to one or two baby showers, though I've not been able to go to any of them. I've seen many of them make vows of cherishing each other for ever and ever.

And I felt so much joy for them. I thought how lucky they could be. They found each other, they made the perfect match, and they will live with each other for ever and ever, and life has smiled greatly on them. They have no much to worry about. They will always have something to smile about, always. Their dreams have finally come to pass.

And at times I feel left out, and sad for me. That my dreams could not be fulfilled like them, that my Prince Charming isn't coming, and why I'm not living "happily ever after". Until it dawned on me. Not every "I do" ends up being a walk in the park.

Like I heard of a couple which got a divorce twenty-four hours after marriage. Twenty-four hours!! Others dwindle over time, for one reason or another, and what was rosy and yummy turns to dull and dry. And some still just live on day after day.

And I realized that just because they're all giggly and laughing at the ceremony, doesn't mean it'll be a walk in the park. And I need not feel left out, coz being single has its own fun moments any way. I realize that I shouldn't judge a marriage at face value, but wait to look days down the road to see what it really turned into.

So whenever you see them lovely smiles, dig deep, to see whether they're "(un)happily ever after". Don't be too quick to conclude.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I come to you every morning for your opinion on how I look. Every day. And I sincerely trust whatever you say.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, sometimes I feel so ugly. I really don't like what I see. I see a pimple (or is it a baby boil) that's somewhere on my face- somewhere really visible. I badly need it out, but I can't. So I think you're saying I need make-up. Do I hear you say that thing isn't to be seen in public?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, at times I feel like I'm the prettiest woman in the world. I love how I look, I think I see that I have dark eyes. I love dark eyes, they make me look beautiful. My skin looks lighter.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I think the sun burnt my skin a little too much. My skin looks seriously dark. Or is it that there isn't enough lighting in this room? Maybe I'll need some skin-lightening cream. And I think my teeth look crooked. I can't afford a dentist. Oh, mirror! What am I to do?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, I think you send me too many mixed messages. Or am I the one who's cooking up things in my mind?

Pass me the sauce- I'm trying to eat my words!!!

Everyone talks. Never heard of anyone who doesn't. Even the deaf have their own way of communicating.

And there's always something to talk about. There has always been a topic, be it political, social, gossip, whatever it is, the world can never run out of things to talk about.

With that comes the day/time when we slip. When we say something, followed by an oops! Like the time when you really mean to say something in your mind, but somehow it finds it way out of your mind. For example, there was this time when I saw this chic who was a fashion disaster, and I went "Oh my gosh!" She turned to me like "What the...?" Oh well, I didn't intend to say anything out loud, it was supposed to be all in my mind. Or when I get disgusted at something, I comment out loud, then everyone looks at me like "What's your problem?" I really didn't want to inconvenience anyone, I was supposed to be speaking in my mind!!

Or once when I jump into conclusions. I say something out loud, and later on it turns into something very else, and I wonder why I ever said that in the first place. If only I had waited. At times I say something out of feelings, or maybe just PMS, and later on go like "Sheesh!"

Either way, I every once in a while, I find myself with a plate full of words to eat. Some rather yucky bitter words to eat. And times I badly need some sauce, or some seasoning to eat what I said. Other times I feel like I'm chocking on some of my words, and I feel like someone should help with something.

So I decided - maybe I should reduce the number of not-so-nice words I should do. It may be hard, but well, what to do. Eating bad words is not nice for anyone's health. So I have to hush-hush when I need to. So help me God.

Those Madea moments

I guess we all know who Madea is. (Well, if you don't know her, try asking Tyler Perry). She's one of the most interesting ladies that ever walked the planet. She's blunt and very interesting to observe. She's good from far, but you don't dare cross her paths.

The one thing that really amuses me about her is her 'moments'. When someone ever crosses her path, or does something she doesn't like, she turns into something else. She could drag you by the hairs or fork-lift your car just to make a point. And when she's done, you sure will get the point.

I realized that I, too, have my 'moments'. While I look at Madea thinking 'that woman's crazy', I remember there are also days when I could call myself crazy. Like a time when I have been overcharged for a service, I just pull out the 'Madea' in me and unleash all my wrath and disappointment in a rather unpleasing way. Reminds me of some driver guy who encountered a donkey. He was driving, and the donkey was crossing the road. Well, it didn't finish crossing. It dilly dallied around and stopped right in front of the car. The dude just pulled out a fist and punched the donkey. He was just too annoyed and frustrated that he's been interrupted by something that's ruining his journey. Well, that punch to me felt like a 'Madea moment' right there.

The one thing I try with my 'Madea' moments is to try to keep it as cool as possible. I know one too many times I've had to eat my words, or just want to erase that moment. But I can't. I just have to live with the fact that I did it. And, unlike Madea, I'm not so don't-care like she is. Consequences really eat me up. So, I decided that when those moments rise, I try to be as cool as I possibly can. And if that doesn't work, maybe I could just pretend that wasn't me.

So if you have those moments you want to be crazy, those Madea moments, remember you're not alone. Everyone has those days. Just make sure you don't get overboard, keep it cool.

The Judas Iscariot I never knew

Everybody knows who Judas is. Everybody knows what he did. How he handed over Jesus to the Romans for crucifixion. Everyone knows how he handed over Jesus to the Pharisees. And how he was so riddled with guilt, that he threw away all his cash and went to kill himself.

But the one thing I really do - my heart goes out for him. Really. Not so much for what he did, but for how he ended it all. It may be true that what he did was very drastic and chaotic, but he didn't have to end it that way. If only he'd have waited. If only he'd have waited for three days, just three, to ask for forgiveness from Jesus. He'd have given it freely, and also a second chance to life again..

The one thing I never knew is that we are almost so like him. In many ways. Like him, we have at one time done something so drastic, that it had seriously dire repercussions. Like him, we did whatever it was out of selfish interest and for self gain. And when all was said and done, the guilt was too much to bear. It may not have caused a death, it may not necessarily be stabbing someone in the back, but it may be a crime that, if you would turn back the hands of time, it would never have happened.

Like the man who committed suicide after cheating on his wife when he was out on business. Or the girl who ended her life after realizing she's pregnant, just because of the shame and embarrassment and the 'good girl' image she painted to society was at stake. Or the deacon who was a gambler but due to guilt and shame ended his life.

But unlike Judas, may we all wait. Just wait. When that time comes, and what you've done is too much to bear, may we wait, and go to God for forgiveness. May we not be too rash to end it so badly and painfully. I pray that we all not listen to guilt and shame, rather look to Jesus for forgiveness, and live a new life. It may not be like the old, but it's way better than killing yourself for something repairable.

I earnestly hope and pray when that moment comes, I won't call it quits so soon.

Where, oh where is Prince Charming?

There was a time when marrying was (almost) the in-thing. Every girl's dream was to wear the long white dress and walk down the aisle, to be received by a wonderful guy! The intrinsic details of the beautiful wedding was all planned out.

Suddenly there dream is gone. Girls no longer wait and long for the day when Mr. Gorgeous will sweep them off their feet. I guess it's coz they're no longer there. Gentlemen went out of existence. Those guys who took time to charm a woman are no more. Even those who tried with lines so tired they couldn't stand on their own are gone. Nowadays men are just ... strange. Some are just plain and drab, others are big boys, others, well...

At times I wish I could find one - just one. A man with charm. A true and pure gentleman. I really look for one whose only intention is love and concern, and not strange dingy thoughts. I search daily for someone who is just himself, and not some 'look-what-I-got' guy. I'm looking for some old-school guy whose etiquette is beyond par.

If anyone spots him, let me know.

I kissed kissing frogs and beasts goodbye

There were those days, once upon a time when the in-thing to read were the happily-ever-after stories. Those stories had so much innocence, and strange mystique (in their own ways).

The other thing I also found interesting is the way people and characters changed. How the 'perfect one' was really ugly, and a kiss changed it all. They were all either beast or ugly frogs. And all you had to do was kiss it. That's it. Just kiss it. And a handsome prince is all yours for the taking.

Oh, how I wish it was that easy. But alas! How different they are! In the modern day age and world, I've seen real frogs and beasts of men. They may not be physically or emotionally violent, or vile, or anything, but nice isn't one of their greatest asset. Like I heard of this chic whose boyfriend would constantly pine and whine about her weight, and the poor girl was really working hard to fix it so he would love her more. Or a girl who would constantly had to bend over backwards to impress the 'man' of his dreams, knowing full well that he was using her but couldn't stand the thought of living without him.

These, and many more, are the frogs and beasts that encompass us. And, truth be told, them frogs and beasts exist all over us. Everywhere. And, so unlike the ones in the storybooks, no amount of kissing would make them any better. Being nice and bending over backwards and all sorts of things would not turn them to anything princely, instead, it'd worsen the situation. These frogs and beasts become more frogly and beastly the more they are kissed.

So I made a conscious decision - I won't waste my time and energy kissing frogs and beasts. I'm way better off being myself, loving myself and being just me. I don't need to be someone else, and be nicer just to make someone feel better. I don't need to concort myself, and do what you want me to do to make you feel better. I am good as me, take me as I am, or leave me be. I won't be kissing anyone's impossible wishes and dreams to make me happy. Goodbye frogs and beasts!

Growing up and liking it

Once upon a time a good friend of mine told me 'When you're young, you wish you'd grow up. When you grow up, you wish you were young again'. Or something like that.

My friend may have been true in many ways. Now that I'm all grown up, there are things I look at, like 'damn, I'm really old'. There are things that I did when I was younger that now I feel too old to do. Like when I was in college, I loved going to nocturnal events (good and morally upright ones). Now even begging me with tears streaming like a river won't make me even want to leave the house. I feel a little too old to do all that jumping-up-and-down-all-night stuff. There were those days when I loved music because of the beat, and the 'yeah-yeah-yeah yo-yo', now, whenever I listen to anything, I have to meditate on the words, and if the words don't make sense, I won't think twice about the song.

All that and more have made me think - I hope I'm not becoming boring. I remember in my heydays, I would find adults a little too boring. I wondered why they were so stiff. Until I recently realized I was one of them. I critiqued like they did, I think twice about anything like they did, I'm not so into things I was into before, the world is rather different from this point of view.

Whatever it is, I slowly had to realize growing up doesn't have to be boring. I may not have to 'shakey leggy' like I could when I was young, or get so excited coz Mr. Hunky-dorry fell in love with Ms. Sweet-and-pretty, but it has its own excitements. I'm glad that now I have totally full wisdom, and do not have to trip on things I did. Thinking twice has helped me make the right decisions over and over again, reducing the pains that'd have befallen me if I wouldn't. I may not be overly puppy-crazy over fashion and stuff, but I know when I buy something, I buy what I need, and I won't have to wonder later on why I bought something I don't even use.

So I guess there is something nice about whatever age, and all you gotta do is look for the roses in your age and smell them. It doesn't have to be drag and boring!

Camouflage

Things aren't always what they seem. Life has its own form of camouflage. There are times when blessings come in strange disguises, and when disaster comes glittering.

Many times we've seen over and over again when there's a storm really brewing, and you wonder and wail over what is going on. But with much patience and perseverence, you realize it's not as bad as it seems. Like when there's unnecessarily heavy traffic, and you wait and cuss, thinking 'What the heck is happening?' Only to get to the office and find something really weird happen, and you were spared the hustle. Or when you meet this guy that looks, well, like a walking fashion disaster, but ends up being the gentleman of the year!

There are those times when when all that glitters really is not gold. When you think this cute hottie is all that, until you actually spend time with them. And you wonder 'what the heck?' Or when you see this very lovely thing on the shelf, and you think 'Wow, this is so nice, maybe I should buy it'. And when you get home, the thing just falls apart in your face, it's not even a day old. You end up wondering why you even bothered to buy.

Life has its own camouflage. And it's up to us to figure out what the real deal is about what it's throwing at us!

Covetousness

Well, according to the Bible, it's wanting your neighbour's property or wife. Surprising they never said husband. Either way. A weird word, rarely thought of.

Talking of covetousness, I think nowadays it's more than that. If you'd ask me, I'd call it 'Keeping up with the Joneses'. Or 'Making an impression for the Joneses'. Nowadays people are in this strange hurry to look or appear what they aren't. And sadly, I've not been left behind. Many times when I bump into someone I know, I feel like changing into someone else and putting my best foot forward.

Especially if it's a close friend, worse, those who you knew recently. Like a friend in high school or college. When they show up with an 'I got this promotion' story, or 'What d'you think about my new car' statement, or worse 'I'm getting married to this Mr-Gorgeous guy'. Then I feel like 'maybe I should look for a story to make me look not so behind'. And then when you have a bad-hair day, and one of your friend shows up looking like a million bucks, and you just want the ground to swallow you.

Yeah, at times I feel like 'I wish I had just a pinch of the life they had'. Like 'I wish I had a boyfriend, so I could also have a story to tell', or 'I wish my boss would say something so I could look like I'm headed up'. That's my form of struggle with covetousness.

Well, I realized slowly by slowly, I should be free to be in my own skin. Boyfriend or not, car or not, promotion or not. I need to be me. I need not to want to be them, want to be sort of like them, have a story just like them. I just need to be me where I'm at. After all, it's my journey, and only I know where I'm headed, and how I'll get there.

So goodbye, fake, wanna-be me, hello real-and-authentic me!!

Virgins - an endangered species

There actually was a time when virginity was such a precious thing. To be a virgin was such an honor and a priviledge. There was a time when women said 'no', and valued their bodies to the max. There was a time when women actually looked down upon men who followed them around asking for sex.

And that was the same time when men really respected women. When men didn't take women for granted, and a true man was measured by how well he treated a woman. An honorable man didn't just take a woman for granted, but honored her by waiting for the wedding night.

Where did those days go? Just what happened to those days? What happened to self-respect? Where did the patience go? When did all the chaos and commotion begin? When did women start becoming so cheap and easy?

And why is it that a woman is frowned upon for being a virgin? And why are virgin women in such a hurry to not become a virgin? When did virgins become such a joke? Why is self respect such an issue? Can't virgins just be let be? Can't people respect someone from abstaining from sex? Why is it funny when someone wants to restrain and keep herself?

Either way, I believe that virgins are slowly by slowly fading. They're becoming rarer and rarer. They're becoming endangered, and anyone who finds one is almost on a mission to extinguish her. And I wish virgins would stand out and be proud. They have every right to. They are strongest of all women, especially in this day and age. I don't think they should shy away, I think they should stand out.

I am one of the few left. Anyone else?

Let it go

How many times have we heard that? Maybe one time too many. Till it almost becomes cliche.

But apparently, it has the most truth ever. Situations don't happen to be clung upon, but to be lived thru. Both the bad ones and the good ones. So many of us cling on these bad memories so much, and pity ourselves over this or that. Others literally live in those days. I must admit, I've been a culprit to this one too many times. Especially those embarrassing moments. Every time some form of deja-vu happens, or a trigger for that particular event, I almost go into panic mode. And there are also those days that were just trauma in lieu, and people just want to hang to those days, remembering how terrible, terrible those days were!!

The good days aren't spared either. At times it gets really annoying when people constantly remember the 'good, old days', and never move past. They're constantly on that one occasion. And matters are only made worse when the person looks like something else. You almost want to ask 'So why aren't you moving on to something newer and better?' D'you have to get so stuck there? Move on, dude!

Going thru the motions

Well, there are those times when things go just as well as planned. Then there are other times... well, life just doesn't go as planned. When the promotion doesn't happen, the pretty chic/handsome guy doesn't show up, when the baby just isn't coming... there are those times.

Those are the days you feel like going thru the motions. Life seems to have no desire at all. You go through life just because. Things happen like clockwork, thoughtlessly. Going thru life is like one long sleepwalk. Things happen like there's no choice. Everything seems so routine.

At such times we need a push. Something to brighten our day. Doesn't have to be big, just a ray of hope. Anything to disrupt the sequence for a few seconds, or a few minutes. A baby's smile, a call from a close friend, someone to say hello...

Either way. Everyone has those days they go thru life like a zombie.