Forgiven

There are those moments when the past haunts, when what I've done follows me like a sick puppy. When all I've done keeps me from moving on. It holds me, it chains me down. I feel its pangs biting deep inside my mind.

There are times I see what I've done. My mind flashes the wrong I did to others, the mischief I planted on someone else, the betrayal I did to a dear friend, the harsh words I spoke to a stranger. Images of me in my very worst are loaded on my mind. The horror movie plays vividly, clearly and in 3D. I see the horror I can potentially become.

There are times when I see the wrong others did to me. Mainly because I faulted in a way. The impatient teacher who wondered what was wrong with me because I can't get what they're teaching. The annoyed friend who thinks I'm irresponsible because I forgot to do something they asked me twice to do. The agitated boss who gives me a piercing look just because I couldn't make the deadline.

Such times make me wonder what I am, who I am, and whether I really belong. My perfection is questioned, my loyalty and love for others is put on the test. Most of all, my Christian walk is placed under fire. The full weight of my imperfection weighs heavily on me, making it impossible to move, or even look up. The horror of what I've done, coupled with the guilt of what I've taken others through eats up to the marrow of my bones. I feel... worthless.

Then God steps in. Through a hymn, like "Amazing Grace". Or through a sermon, or a friend. Other times through a tweet, a Facebook status, or a text message. He reminds me of what He did for me on the cross. He assures me of His love for me. He asks me to draw nigh to Him. He tells me that His perfection is all I need, for man wasn't created to be perfect. He calls me to confess my sin, and promises He'll never remember them once I do that.

He offers free forgiveness. And once I feel forgiven, I feel free. I feel light. The problems may not have gone, but the fact that Jesus loves me for who I am, and accepts me for me makes me feel all the more worth. He calls me His own, the sheep of His pasture.

The sweet feeling of forgiveness is incomparable. It's uplifting, it's what keeps me going.