(Im)Perfect Me

The painful moment when everything peels off, and you get to see yourself for who you really are.

In many ways, I’ve always thought of myself as “perfect”. At least according to my standards. I prided myself in arriving to work early, always doing the best I could whenever I was given a task, being very hardworking and diligent, being extra keen as I work, and second-checking everything I do just to make sure it’s perfect.

I also had this habit of wanting to be the best. The best employee. The best girl. The best friend. The best student. The best everything. I felt like I needed to give my all. Being a model employee, student, friend, and whatever role that was placed in me was the best and only way I knew to be a productive member of society.

So, until recently, I went about being the perfect girl I was. But something happened that opened my eyes to my imperfection. I did something that was to undergo scrutiny. I was invited to write two articles for a magazine. Writing the articles was hard, but not as hard as watching it being edited. As I was writing them, I knew mine was the best, after all, my diligence, determination and hard work would amount for something. As I was handing in my finished work, the person I handed it to said, “Oh thanks. Now I’ll have to take it for editing.” Oh well, I thought to myself, the editor won’t have a hard time.

Whether the editor had a hard time or not is unknown to me, all I remember was seeing the article and almost tearing up. It had been rearranged and redone. Some sentences were plucked, others enhanced, to make it fit the editor’s tastes.

I had to eat humble pie and realize that I am not as perfect as I thought. My eyes were opened to discover that I was living in a bubble, and I needed someone to burst it so I could live in reality. I had to understand that I need people to help me polish up, and in spite of being the hardworking, diligent, girl I am, I still am not perfect, no matter how much how hard I work.

I now realize how imperfect I am, and I need others to help me achieve what I truly want to be.